it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
