we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
