i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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