wanna go halves on a baby?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
