There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
