Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
