he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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