i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
