dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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