Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
