I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
