dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
