I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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