so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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