i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
