I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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