If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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