Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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