i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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