looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
