In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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