I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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