Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
