Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
