I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
