oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
