I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
