so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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