you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
