I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I believe in your delicious
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
