Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
