Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
