Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
