at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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