Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
