Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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