Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
