you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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