Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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