I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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