Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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