New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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