You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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