Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
