508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize