I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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