This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
