How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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