Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
