toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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