dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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