why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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