I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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