I'm gonna have a badass scar
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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