yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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