...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well you can't waste a boner
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
