so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
