At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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