You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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