It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just invented taco cereal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
