wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
