So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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