You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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