I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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