Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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