I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
