So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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