Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
