What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
