those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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