I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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