His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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