Betty ford says i'm here all night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
