Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
