You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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