lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
