So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
