thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize