jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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