Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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