You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
