we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
