he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
