I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
