Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize