She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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