You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
