she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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