if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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