Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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