So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
