Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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