you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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