i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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