Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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