I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
