he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
