you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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