It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
there is glitter all over my balls
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