Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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