she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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