Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
