Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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