It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
